August 24, 2006
Men's Club: Pet Peeves
hoenix on the Diva side has posted her pet peeves about her Prince Charming.
Well, what can I say about my Princess Charming? If she stays the way she is for the rest of her life, that's okay with me. Do I have pet peeves? Sure, we all do. But the fact is, my pet peeves are MY problem, not hers.
But that doesn't mean I can't list a few, heh heh...
1. Postal Mail. She picks it up from our P.O. Box and my portion of the mail can be left forgotten in the back of her car or lost in her office.
2. Phone Messages. Same story. Someone can call for me, and rather than putting a written message somewhere where I can see it, she may say 2 or 3 days later, Oh, So-and-So called and wanted to talk with you.
3. Lights. She leaves all the lights on in the house. I earn my way in the household just turning off lights and saving money. She can leave the house DURING THE DAYTIME and have 800 - 1500 watts of lightage burning.
Those are the main ones. Not enough to drive someone crazy, unless they have particular issues.
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August 10, 2006
Men's Club: The Holy Trinity
oday those of us still committed to the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas tackle the topic: What three things of a physical nature about the opposite sex speak to you?
That's a tough assigment. Over the years, if you could see the women I have been more than casual with, you would not notice much physical similarity. Height, hair color, voluptuousness (i.e. breast size, etc), skin tone...all have been distinctly different.
Usually it's some spark in their minds and souls that speak to me.
But physically I can say this:
1) The generally curvy nature of the female form. I think this is why I'm not gay. Men aren't curvy. They don't have that indescribable curvy something that is innate in women. Men are linear, women are curved. That curvedness is distinct and attractive and indefinably necessary to me. I love to arc my hand over her hips and cup her breasts and explore all the other curvy places.
2) Hair. I love the feel and smell of a woman's hair (not including armpit or leg hair). When a woman has extra-long hair, I love playing in it and having it fall all over me.
3) Finally, I wouldn't be a man and honest if I didn't wax poetic about that most distincitve female attribute, her pussy. (That's the only word that for me somehow bridges the vast gulf between the heartlessly clinical and the nauseatingly vulgar.) The wet and silky and warmly wrapping and generally tasty curves and convolutions of the female pussy are simply irrestistable. I fail to understand any man unwilling to spend time pleasuring a female with his lips and tongue.
But in the end what supersedes all the physical attributes are the deeper intangibles. The love-lit eyes that window the Soul; the ineffable connection between hearts; the smile that registers a deeper communication than words.
That's what ultimately decides who I spend time with.
Phoenix has some nice things to say about men. Arielle is behind the times like I have been, but she'll catch up when she can.
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July 7, 2006
Men's Club: Shame, Shame
oday's topic (a day late) asks us to reveal our most shameful or embarassing dating experience.
Actually, I think it goes all the way back to my first formal "girlfriend." In middle school, I was a definite geek. My nickname was "The Brain" and that's almost never a good thing if you want to be popular outside of the very limited geek set.
I remember a girl with long blonde hair. Lisa Robinson. My heart melted over her. I wanted her to be my girlfriend. But as an idiot 8th-grader, I didn't understand what to do. She must have got wind of my intentions because the news got back to me that she would be my girlfriend if I asked.
Read that last statement carefully and you'll understand the "relationship" was off to a bad start.
In those days, 1969/1970, you indicated you had a girlfriend by turning your watch around so that the face on the bottom of your wrist rather than the top. So I walked up to her as she stood with a couple of her friends, asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes, between snaps of her gum. I walked away happily, turning my watch on my wrist, and telling a couple of my friends that I had a girlfriend.
But strangly, she didn't spend much time with me over the next few days, and finally, she told someone that she did it because she felt sorry for me.
Egads! The embarassment, the humiliation, the utter unconsciousness on my part.
This is what happens when you are raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I suppose.
To emphasize my total geekiness, it wasn't until my freshman year that I wore a pare of Levis to school and suddenly everyone was pointing at me with mouths open saying, "Look, Mark is wearing Levis. Oh my God."
That was the first time I ever became clothes conscious.
In 9th grade.
Fortunately, by the time I got into college I got over a lot of my geekiness and starting catching on to the whole girlfriend thing.
whew!
Well there are a few of us Diva/Men's Club people left. Check out Phoenix and Ari.
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June 29, 2006
Men's Club: Talking and Driving
"What don't men talk when they drive?"
That's today's topic. But really, who says?
The fact is, men don't often talk as much as women anyway. As I pointed out in some previous post (I don't have time to track it down) men don't talk about their inner selves, their thoughts, their relationships. That talk about external things. Sports, politics, why women talk so much.
Let's face it: When men drive with women, we're afraid. We're afraid of talking about our feelings. We're afraid of talking about the relationship.
So it's not really true that men don't talk when they drive. They just don't talk about women stuff.
And women often don't want to talk about men stuff: computers, business reports, what's happening in Iraq.
There. Capisce?
Check out dem talking women: The Devastating Divas: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And James, the other member of the Men's Club.
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June 18, 2006
Men's Club: You Can Leave Your Hat On
'm behind the times on the Men's Club circuit due to travel. Especially with a topic like "What's the sexiest thing a member of the opposite sex can put on and what's the sexiest thing they can take off?"
Requires some thought. And here's what I think:
Putting ON: Women in tasteful lingerie works for me. Not the gaudy Frederic's of Hollywood or Victoria's Secret stuff. Just nice, white, pink, or black lacy and somewhat see-through panties and bra can do wonders with that all-important sense of ANTICIPATION.
And frankly, I love working my fingers and toungue around the lace.
Taking Off: Everything but the lingerie.
Heh heh. Easy now that I think about it.
Check out the rest of the gang: The Devastating Divas: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And James, the other member of the Men's Club.
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June 1, 2006
Men's Club: Are we having a relationship, or just doing research on each other?
oday's topic: 'How do you pre-identify a cheater, or one who has the potential to cheat?'
Since I'm married I'm not much into such pre-identification. But I think it's pretty safe to list some categories of potential cheaters:
1) Horny males
2) Horny females
3) Good person who's not getting any at home
4) High-powered business person
5) Actor or actress, theater or film
6) Politician
7) Traveling salesman
8) Anyone who admits having tried out a brothel and enjoyed it
I think that covers quite a swath of people.
Be sure to check out the Devastating Divas, none of whom would dare cheat: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And don't forget James, the other member of the Men's Club.
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May 25, 2006
Men's Club: The Best and the Worst
his week's topic: What are your best and worst attributes and what are the best and worst attributes of the opposite sex?
Li'l ol' ME - The Two-Edged Sword:
BEST
I can laugh at anything. My blog proves that.
I'm direct and honest with people.
I'm the entertainment director. I like to arrange joy for other people. I share anything in music, film, books, and theatre that I think others would enjoy. I'm the guy who would stand several hours in line to save seats for friends for the first Star Wars film. I buy DVDs so I can loan them to friends.
WORST
I can laugh at anything. This gets me in trouble with people who take life too seriously.
I'm direct and honest with people. Therefore, I'm often viewed as insensitive and politically incorrect.
I'm the entertainment director. Often, people find my enthusiasm oft-putting and even oppresive.
The Opposite Sex
BEST
They're so feminine and curvy. They have delightful orifices and magnificent nipples and such folds and silky secrets that I get intoxicated just thinking about them. For these reasons, I can understand lesbians but gay men baffle me.
They can be so non-linear and subtle that it challenges my linearity and sledgehammer approach.
WORST
When they choose, they know exactly what buttons to push in a guy to manipulate him endlessly.
They can elevate the word "Nothing" into a War Crimes Indictment.
You can ask them a question, and after a 5-minute response find that they still haven't answered the question.
They think too much about stuff I'm not thinking about as if I'm thinking about it.
See the Devastating Divas: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle for the female take. And then there's James, the other surviving member of the Men's Club.
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May 18, 2006
Men's Club: Before We Make Love, Could You Please Take Out the Garbage?
oday's topic: "Where is all the romance and passion you once had for one another and how can you rekindle it?"
Hmmm...My wife and I kiss and cuddle every day. When we have birthdays, we have birthday months, so that we can surprise each other with something all month long. (One month, I had a birthday card for her every day of the month.)
Trips to the beach, surprise dinners, flowers...all are good for keeping things fresh, but the real secret is simple (yet hard):
Assume she will never change, and never criticize her for anything that she will never change.
If you want love and romance to last, remember this rule: If she's the wrong love of your life, she can't do anything right. If she's the right love of your life, she can't do anything wrong.
Love is unconditional. There is not a single aspect of what she thinks, does, and says that you can justify withholding your love from her.
Finally, compliment her every day. And say I love you often.
Be sure to check out the Devastating Divas who are smarter than I: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And don't forget James, the other member of the Men's Club.
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May 11, 2006
Men's Club: Keeping Her Happy
his week's topic: "Tricks and Tips You've Discovered for Keeping Your Man/Woman Happy."
First of all, let me state categorically that I don't keep a Man/Woman. I live 30 miles south of San Francisco, not in San Francisco, so if I've met any, I sure as hell can't tell.
Okay...Here's the top three secrest to keeping a woman happy:
1. I don't solve her problems. I hold her as she cries. A classic that every guy should remember.
2. I keep the household debt low, and the income high. Every woman needs to feel that they won't lose their home and that the finances are secure.
3. Cuddles and kisses. As important and often more important than sex.
The Devastating Divas likely have better ideas: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And don't forget James.
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May 4, 2006
Men's Club: Off-Limits Love?
oy, we sure do get a lot of "relationship" questions. I wonder if it's because most of the topics are proposed by women? Nah, couldn't be that.
Anyway, this week's question is "Which members of the opposite sex are forever off limits and why?"
In our enlightened age, perhaps the phrase "opposite sex" is out of date. But let's forge on.
Now you must understand that men have a powerful reptilian Id. The male Id fails to recognize sexual distinctions. According to the ancient male Id sex is mandatory with anything resembling an orifice. A man's constant struggle is to overcome the predatory, indiscriminate, intoxicating influence of the Id.
In short, men are disgustoids who would be forever shunned by all women if they were able to read our minds. Let's face it, women: Every man you know, every man you work with, every man in your life, has at one time or another fantasized having sex with you, probably including scenarios that would freak you out.
Sorry about that. It's our nature.
Ask any guy who is willing to be honest with you. No matter how committed he is to your relationship, these automatic images rise up in our reptilian brains and take over without any conscious effort on our part.
And those of us men who have been civilized by the women in our lives (a conspiracy that apparently has its origin in the stone age when women somehow banded together and came up with a set of Rules for men to follow, and have been struggling ever since to get men to follow them), try to avoid being such disgustoids, but the reptilian Id is embedded deep and is not to be denied, only merely reined in.
That is why men go overboard becoming celibate priests who then find unhealthier outlets for the sexual reptile within. Or find violent sports or other activities to engage in...to appease the reptilian Id by faking it out with symbolized sex: in football, we say "penetrating up the middle" and "making a pass." In rocket science it's "thrust." You get the idea.
So I guess a question like "Which members of the opposite sex are forever off limits and why?" is really one for women, and it doesn't matter how much women try to export such limits to men, men will often simply fail to internalize those limits the way women might internalize them.
We will try to obey, because we want to keep up appearances at being civilized, but you must understand...
It's not our nature.
I'm sure the Devastating Divas will be devastated by my thoughts on this, but that doesn't invalidate their opinions: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And of course the Men's Club may or may not agree, depending on how civilized he wants to appear to be: James.
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April 27, 2006
Men's Club: I'm looking for Freedom--Can you direct me?
oday's topic: Why Men Won?t Ask for Directions While Women Will.
Well, some men ask for directions (not that I've met any).
There is actually a very good and very sophisticated explanation for this fact of male-psyche life.
It's because men are lines and women are circles.
You see, men have a natural orientation to the external, to explore, to pioneer, to manipulate the environment, to play with things, to engage in sports, to talk about politics and football and computers and their entertainment centers and to build complex machines that hurtle other men (and grudgingly women, but only if they don't act girly) into outer space. The line.
Women have a natural orientation to the internal, to nest, to make a home, to talk about their inner feelings, their relationships, what they think about everything, how others perceive them, what people must be thinking. The circle.
Men are comfortable with discovery and problem solving and taking something apart to see how it works and not talking about inner things like Why don't you ask for directions. They like the complexity of the external world. They hate the complexity of the internal world. They want the internal world to be simple. Yes, no, right, wrong, let's do this and get on with it.
Women are comfortable with security and knowing that things are in their place and keeping the external world simple, with only a single remote that has one power button, one volume button and one channel changer. They want the external world to be simple. They love the complexity of the inner world. The possible meanings, the subtexts, the implications, the dreams. Men hate that kind of stuff.
So why don't men ask for directions? Cause they like figuring out the external world on their own, they are solving it like a complex time-space problem, thinking about the GPS possibilities and the spatial relations of this street to that highway, and they will only ask directions if they are badgered into it by someone who wants to keep that external world as simple as a remote with three buttons.
Men love having four remotes with 100+ buttons. It's something to figure out and tinker with.
Not that there are many men who could explain it that way... Men are rarely skilled at explaining their own psyches. We hate that kind of stuff...And don't make me say it again!!!
Check out the Devastating Divas for their (inadequate and possibly male-bashing) opinions: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle, as well as the Men's Club: Jim and James.
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April 20, 2006
Men's Club: Your Cheatin' Heart
"Would you ever get over a significant other cheating on you? Would you be able to stay with that person?"Yes. No.
Some questions are easy, but due to circumstances, I don't feel very creative as a writer right now.
Check out the Devastating Divas for their opinions: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle, as well as the Men's Club: Jim and James.
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March 30, 2006
Men's Club: To Speedo or Not To Speedo
his week's topic: Why are bikinis acceptable on women, but the male equivalent "The Speedo" is somehow or sometimes unacceptable on men? Isn't this a double standard?
Another simple one: Bikinis are acceptable on women because women, for the most part, have the good sense to know when they have the body that works with a bikini.
Men, on the other hand, (accept for those on the swim team or Mr. Universes or whatever) seem to be idiots in not recognizing when their body type is not made for a Speedo.
That is, men tend to be much more delusional in their belief that they look good without much cover. N'est pas?
Check out the Devastating Divas for their opinions: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle, as well as the Men's Club: Jim and James.
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March 23, 2006
Men's Club: Commitment
his week's topic: If your significant other came down with a life-threatening condition, or long-term illness (ie. cancer, persistent coma, etc.), would you stay? What level of commitment would dictate that? Dating? Marriage? Engaged?
I'm married, and I'm married to the end of one or both of us, or until she tells me to get lost. I seem to have always been the one to hang in there until a girlfriend (or wife) tell's me it's over.
I've thought about this, and I know that I would hang in there all the way, because that's my job. That's the kind of loyalty I have with this marriage. Besides, you know me. I believe we're all immortal, that death is not a conclusion but a transition.
And if it happened to me, I'd want someone to be there for me, unless I release them from the responsibility.
Should this be true for dating and engagements? Not necessarily. Should it be true for everybody who is married? Not necessarily. I think it's really up to the individual. I think there are some people who simply cannot handle their mate's suffering, who cannot bring themselves to watch their loved one die.
Who am I to say they should stay?
Just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
The Devastating Divas have some opinions: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle, as well as Men's Club: Jim and James.
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March 16, 2006
Men's Club: Does Size Matter?
es. (Dammit!)
The Devastating Divas may have more to say about size: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle, as well as the small-sized Men's Club: Jim and James.
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March 9, 2006
Men's Club: Admirable Celebrities
his week's Men's Club assignment: Identify one male and one female celebrity that you admire and explain why.
Huh...
Well, by "celebrity" let's assume someone famous in the entertainment industry. For a male, just because he's on my mind lately, I would have to say Simon Cowell of American Idol fame. (Bruce Willis would be my choice, but I already praised him in this context here.)
Each week he takes heaps of abuse from his fellow judges--Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson--from Ryan "Why Am I Famous?" Seacrest, and from the audience.
But the fact is, Simon strikes me as the only judge who is being straight and honest with the contestents. He gives them his honest reactions, including exactly what thoughts he has and emotions he experiences as he is watching the performance.
Where Randy and Paula try to couch their feedback trying to avoid giving their real responses, Simon lays it out clearly. What could be more valuable to performers than an honest reaction? When Simon says, "It was like a Karaoke bar perfomance" or "That song's too old for you," you can bet that's what he heard.
Randy and Paula schmaltz around trying not to hurt their feelings. Simon's not concerned about hurt feelings. He's telling his honest response, which every performer should be utterly grateful for.
And Simon does all this with everyone down on him for being something he's not--mean-spirited. Gotta admire that in him.
And as for a female celebrity? Patricia Heaton who plays Ray's wife in Everybody Loves Raymond.
Why? Because she also stands up and tells it straight. She'll be at a Hollywood dinner party with a bunch of Bush bashers and say, "I like George Bush" and watch everyone fall over themselves in shock.
It takes some guts (and success as a TV star, I suppose) to admit being conservative and NOT a Bush-hater in Hollywood.
I know. A couple of trivial choices. But we ARE talking celebrities here, right?
See what the Devastating Divas have to say about admirable celebrities: silk, Phoenix, Theresa, and Arielle. And of course, the remaining members of the Men's Club: Jim and James.
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March 2, 2006
Men's Club: Metrosexuals
his week's topic? Metrosexuals: Love 'em or leave 'em...
Metrosexual - Hmm...sounds like someone whose sexual orientation is limited to certain metropolitan areas. Let's do a Google search and see what we come up with:
"The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis ? because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere." ?Mark Simpson, "Meet the metrosexual," Salon.com, July 22, 2002OOOOHHH! ICK! YUCK! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! GET IT AWAAAAAAY FROM MEEE!!!!! Where's the antiseptic? WHERE'S THE ANTISEEEPTIIIIIC?!!!!
Ah, the pleasure of freshly scubbed and bloody skin...
Maybe the Devastating Divas and the other members of the Mahvelous Men's Club have more tolerance to talk about this weird cult of metrosexuals:
silk - A definite no.
Phoenix - Another definite no.
Theresa - It's nearly unanimous.
Arielle - Yep, it's unanimous, at least among the girls.
Jim
James - Okay, but still nada.
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February 23, 2006
Men's Club: The Perfect Date
he Perfect Date is one where you know you can do no wrong.
Regular readers know that I believe in karma and reincarnation. Not in the New Agey incense-and-candles sense. Karma and reincarnation are the logical inferences of a personal scientific investigation into the nature of life.
So what has this to do with The Perfect Date? Twice in my life I knew I could do no wrong because I inwardly saw the door wide open for me.
Let me explain.
About 20 years ago one summer, I had a professor who taught an incredible course in Homer. (You know, The Iliad and The Odyssey.) We became good friends and she told me her two daughters who lived and worked in Manhatten were going to spend three weeks with her in June/July and I should come visit.
Well, I did and they both were stunning, especially the older one, Andrea. She had long white-blonde hair and dark creamy skin that fit her Teutonic heritage. We got along for the first week. Somewhere during the second week the karmic stirrings began.
You have all felt these karmic stirrings. They are the forces that begin to draw you to a person. When you have something to finish up with someone, these karmic stirrings kick in, almost requiring you to follow through with getting closer to that person. Until you cross a certain line, and then the hard stuff begins to get worked out.
Anyway, I felt those karmic stirrings, knew what they meant, and had enough experience to know that there was no point in resisting so I decided to take full advantage of it. You see, when you are in that initial karmic glow, all of life seems to support you, supply you with everything you need to make the event happen.
So naturally I won a radio contest for two tickets to a dinner theater in Fair Oaks, California. The girls and her mother were out sailing that day, so I left an ambiguous message about having a couple of tickets to a dinner theater, and was there anyone who would like to go?
I knew Andrea would call back. And she did. We set the date. And I knew it was going to be The Perfect Date. I could do no wrong. Karma was on my side. (To hell with the consequences after!)
So I borrowed my boss's Mercedes and stuffed the trunk with a picnic basket containing champagne, two glasses, and a small blanket a friend got me from Greece, and two pillows. (Uh, no, not what you think...not yet, anyway.)
I picked her up, played it cool. We had a lovely dinner, lovely conversation, watched the play (whatever it was). We never touched or kissed or anything. That was part of the plan.
After the theater, I drove her to a small plateau overlooking some bluffs and the American River. I parked, opened the trunk, pulled out the picnic basket and pillows and I had her walk with me along a dirt path to the bluffs. The air was slightly cool and perfect for late-June. It was night and the stars were out. There were also stars in her eyes.
I pulled out the blanket, lay out the pillows and set up the champagne and glasses. I poured the champagne and with the full confidence of karma on my side, and I made a toast.
"To first dates, first sips, and first kisses." We sipped the champagne and we kissed.
The planets were aligned, the universe in balance, and our lips sparked with karmic pleasure.
It was perfect. We drank champagne and talked and kissed and looked at the stars, both of us feeling the perfection of it all.
We finally drove back to my townhouse. My manic-depressive, roommate, Jodi, was conveniently out for the evening with her boyfriend.
Andrea and I did not fuck. We made love. Exquisite, beautiful heart-opening love. It's an interesting pattern how these karmic things work. They often start in the head (recognition), move down into the heart (that heart-rending, heart-opening pull), and then down into the groin.
But then the hard stuff happened. She naturally found out I had had a vasectomy and she wanted children, so I was off the list. But we had several days of fun together and I went ahead and bought a ticket to Manhattan for a two-week stay with her and her sister six weeks later in August.
Manhatten in August is bad enough. But they lived in a Hell's Kitchen apartment at, oh I think it was 57th Street and 10th Avenue. Something like that. The floor was at a slant, the walls and some windows white-painted shut, the shower barely functional and no air-conditioning. Plus, even though we made love on the fourth-floor roof looking up at the Manhattan skyline, it was all downhill from there.
The first week in Manhattan was great. I had money, I was still in that glow, I could safely walk Central Park at night, take the late Staten Island Ferry past the Statue of Liberty coming into those incredible twin towers, and ride the subway at 2:00 am and feel absolutely safe.
I got a toxic amount of beauty at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and listened to one of the greatest jazz concerts I ever attended at Alice Tully Hall: A Tribute to Thelonius Monk.
The second week I ran out of money, I ran out of good karma, and I ran out of a girlfriend. Hellish days that ended when I finally flew back to California.
But it was worth it. Sometimes I wonder how Andrea is doing? If she's still in Manhatten? Did she ever have children, and did she get over her depression over the death of her father many years before?
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The Devastating Divas and The Mahvelous Men's Club also give you their takes on Valentine's The Perfect Date:
silk loves cuddling and talking after a nice dinner. Phoenix has similar tastes to silk, but throw in a few chocolate martinis. Theresa is easy to please--as long as there are no kids! Arielle will be posting soon.
Jim - a little time, consideration, and one-on-one attention. James - easy answer...just make sure you're with the perfect person. And Nugget has taken the guest spot this week...
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February 14, 2006
Men's Club: Valentine's Day, 1997
t was eight months before we were to be married, six months before we were to buy a house, four months before we would leave on our honeymoon. We were doing everything backwards. But we were in love and it was Valentine's Day and I was standing inside of FAO Schwartz wondering if I would find anything like what I had in mind for her.
Tons of toys and games and stuffed animals. I was interested in a stuffed animal. And I knew that I'd know the right one the moment I saw it.
No, I wasn't looking for a cute little teddy bear with a heart that said "I Love You" or "Forever Mine" or "Be Nice to Me, or Die!"
No, I wanted something HUGE and yet cuddly. Beyond life size, yet floppy. I said No to the giant lion and Nada to the smaller giraffe and Nyet to the grey octopus.
Then I see it. There between the escalators, on a landing piled high with all kinds of stuffed animals.
A huge, larger-than-lifesize Saint Bernard (without the little barrel of brandy around the neck). He was great and floppy and cuddly all at once. I bundled him up, ignored the price tag, paid by credit card, and stepped out into the streets of San Francisco near Union Square, and walked up to a guy selling flowers, bought a dozen ruby-red roses.
Women were swooning on the streets.
I swear to God one of them came up to me, sighing at the great big brown-and-white dog and the dozen red, red roses, and said, "I'm going to go home tonight and slap by boyfriend's face!"
My then-fiance loved the gifts, but she loved the story more.
And that's the secret guys: Always give her a good story to tell. Even the most jaded, cynical, crusty-hearted woman will melt if you give her a good story to tell.
Like when I proposed to my wife. I picked a refined restaurant in Palo Alto, called some friends, two couples, Paula and Bernard, and Ed and Diane. They were both her favorite couples. I arranged the time with the restautant to reserve a table for two AND a table for six. Our table for two was arranged for 6:00 pm on a Sunday evening. The two couples were scheduled to arrive at 6:15 pm SHARP with what we had agreed on! The restaurant workers were all in on it.
I told my wife that I was taking her out to dinner. She was a bit tired, and I said nonchalantly that if she wanted to stay home, we would (I knew she wanted to eat out). She was wondering if she should dress up and I said, No problem, we can go casual (I knew that since this was a fine restaurant that she would want to dress up, so we did.)
We arrived on time, seated at the table for two. We placed out order (and the waiter knew not to submit it) and at exactly 6:15, Ed and Diane and Paula and Bernard arrived carrying dozens of beautiful yellow sunflowers. My wife kinda stammered and said, "Look, there's Paula and Bernard, and Ed and Diane. What...?"
And they placed the sunflowers around us in a semi-circle, bearing huge smiles, and I dropped to one knee and opened the the small case and showed her the ring and said, "My darling, will you marry me?"
And of course she said yes, and everyone in the restaurant cheered and we all sat at the table for six and enjoyed a fine, fine meal.
And a year later, at our wedding ceremony, other friends surprised us with a humorous, narrated pantomime rendition of the entire marriage proposal.
Like I said, men, give your woman a story to tell.
Then she won't just love you for what you did that one day. She'll love you every day she tells that story.
As you see, I'm all for Valentine's Day.
The Devastating Divas and The Mahvelous Men's Club also give you their takes on Valentine's Day:
silk gives us a little history and a little cynicism, and a suggestion for a gesture. Just what you'd expect from from our horny friend. (Look at her header image! Sheesh!)
Phoenix says it's what you make of it. Of course, being a new mom, she's still a romantic.
Theresa is not a fan and seems a bit more cynical than silk.
Arielle is a bit too calloused to romantic what-nots, so it looks like Phoenix and I still have some blinders on our eyes.
Jim never got into Valentine's Day much. To him, every day is Valentine's Day.
Darren is taking his time thinking up what to say, which is good news to me and means I'm NOT the last one to get on board.
James says something quite clear and obvious when you think about it: Your response to Valentine's Day just might be dependent on the status of your love life.
I agree.
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Posted by witnit at 12:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
