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December 26, 2006
Penis de Milo
inally! We moved to a B&B that has a (somewhat) broadband connection. It's Day 6 of our vacation in Florence, Italy, and I've made some amazing discoveries. Here's a few:
1) Stairs...Be prepared to climb up and down 1.42 million stairs when you are in Florence. If you want to go to the museums, you have to climb stairs. If you want to get to your room, you have to climb stairs. If you want to climb to the top of the Bell Tower of the Duomo, you have to climb 414 friggin' stairs! If I don't have buns of steel at the end of this trip, there is no hope I ever will.
2) Cobblestones...Like stairs, they're everywhere, testing your footing, trying to trip up your wife. Be on guard!
3) Within one square mile of the Duomo, there are more famous works of art than anywhere else in the world, including the Louvre. A couple dozen Michelangelos, Donatellos, Raphaels, Botticellis, Da Vincis and more and more and more and...If you only have one day in Florence, check out the Uffizi, the Bargello, and the Pitti.
4) If you get a B&B or hotel room, DON'T be within 100 meters of the Duomo Bell Tower. Drunken priests will stay up after midnight on Christmas ringing those damn bells every 15 minutes. And every morning, they start ringing every 15 minutes starting at 7:00 am, as if everyone in the area need an alarm clock.
5) And finally, there's one thing that stands out more than anything in Florence...the Florentines LOVE their public penises. Yep...more public penises per hectare than everywhere but Pompeii. Now don't get me wrong. They are fnatastic penises, as penises go. In fact, the penis of Michelangelo's David is an awesome sight. (Apart from the penis, Michelangelo's David was the only work of art that actually gave me goosebumps as I looked up at his face and imagined that this is the moment right before he releases the sling over his shoulder and prepares to swing it around and around to launch at Goliath. Yes, Donatello's David - both of them - were cute. The other Davids that crop up here and there are nice. But only Michelangelo's David is genuinely and other-worldly awesome.)
So anyway, back to penises. Let's have a little test, shall we? Below are 25 penis shots of statues around Florence that my wife and I took. Please understand that these represent only the penises that we were allowed to photograph...less than 5% of what we saw...and that doesn't include the broken-off penises that are everywhere. (Some whacked out do-gooder priest must have gone on a rampage in the 16th or 17th century.)
So the test is easy: Guess which penis belongs to Michelangelo's David. We couldn't shoot the REAL one, of course. Too much money can be made for that. So I have to shoot an alternate David in front of the Piazza Vecchio (there's also one up in the Piazzala Michelangelo).
When I return, I will tell you which one is the correct penis. And please...no Internet help!
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
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14
15
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18
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25
Posted by witnit at December 26, 2006 11:52 AM
Comments
Hmmmm...well, since I don't know whether David dressed to the left or the right, I'm gonna guess #8. It looks like a perfectly nice, middle-of-the-road (so to speak) penis. Plus, the pubes are just so...artistic.
Florence sounds wonderful. Except for the stairs. But if there are that many penises...uh...penii?...to look at, who cares about a few steps? heh
Posted by: Pammy at December 26, 2006 3:25 PM
Without resorting to cheating, and suffering from CRS, I'm going with Number 12...
Posted by: wil at December 26, 2006 7:35 PM
Pammy, Wil, try again. The real question, though, is...were there no Jews in Florence?
Posted by: WitNit at December 26, 2006 8:57 PM
... duuuuude....
Posted by: Eric at December 29, 2006 7:38 AM
Must be pretty cold around that place...
I'm betting Pammy meant #7
Posted by: rsm at December 29, 2006 10:41 AM
Likely them Renaissance sculptors didn't know any Marines, right Eric?
Posted by: WitNit at December 29, 2006 10:47 AM
#7???
Nope. Try again.
Posted by: WitNit at December 29, 2006 11:54 AM
... damn straight, WitNit... and my guess is that #12 is David's Petey.....
Posted by: Eric at December 29, 2006 12:02 PM
I'm guessing #10 -- the one wearing Donald Trump's toupee.
Posted by: McGehee at December 29, 2006 1:03 PM
I'm going with #14, and I cannot believe I'm doing this.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at December 29, 2006 2:56 PM
Wash Uffizi, drive me to Firenze...
It's #7, IIRC.
Posted by: Elisson at December 29, 2006 3:49 PM
...what the.....!
Tired of being called 'Murphy Brown' already, Mark?
Posted by: David Drake at December 29, 2006 4:10 PM
I'm going for... uh, I mean choosing #2.
Goodgawd, some of 'em have toupees!
Posted by: Jean at December 29, 2006 8:43 PM
With the hint given, it must be numero 4...
Posted by: wil at December 29, 2006 10:29 PM
Okay...After 21 hours of traveling back from Florence (leave 5 am taxi for airport because they canceled our later flight, 2-hour flight to Frankfurt then a 5-hour layover, then 11 hours to San Francisco), I am ready to reveal the truth.
One person got it right, and actually you had two shots at it (although I admit the second one is unfair).
The real David penis is #10, with #23 being one as well, but of the third David up in the Palazzia Michelangelo. Lot's of bluish streaking and a pretty bad photo (best I could get).
Anyway, thanks for playing. I have more posts on Florence and Italy coming up, especially regarding "Burglar Santas."
Posted by: WitNit at December 31, 2006 3:33 AM
... number 10?... damn, man, that thing has more hair that I do on top of my HEAD......
Posted by: Eric at December 31, 2006 7:35 PM
they are all small he has a pinny
Posted by: katie at June 24, 2008 10:06 PM
