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January 5, 2006
My To-Do List
-
t lunchtime, sit in my parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. - Page myself over the intercom without disguising my voice.
- Insist that my e-mail address be Elvis-the-king@companyname.com.
- Every time someone asks me to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- Encourage my colleagues to join me in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Put my garbage can on my desk and label it 'IN.'
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- In the memo field of all my checks, write "for sexual favours"
- Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
- Finish all my sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
- Adjust the tint on my computer monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that I like it that way.
- Don’t use any punctuation
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what sex they are.
- Specify that my drive through order is "to go."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- Find out where my boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after my boss does. (This is especially effective since my boss is female.)
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what I'm doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
- Put mosquito netting around my cubicle.
- Five days in advance, tell my friends you can't attend their party because I'm not in the mood.
- Request that my dry cleaning be returned dry.
- When anyone talks about something being "out of whack," ask what a "whack" is.
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Posted by witnit at January 5, 2006 1:05 PM
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