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January 4, 2006
House, M.D.
 | 
octor House, I have a patient who needs your immediate attention. |
| No time, Cuddy. I have to get more Vicodin and carve me a new cane in time to watch my soap. |  |
| A lame excuse, House. Look, you take care of this patient and I'll take you off clinic for a week. |
| Oh joy! Cuddy doing me a favor. Who's the patient? A politican? | |
 | We don't know. He literally has his head up is ass. |
| That clinches it. A damned politician. Foreman, get the forceps. And a match for the methane. But first I have to take a 30-minute break. | |
 | Isn't that a bit extreme, House? The lack of oxygen will cause brain damage. |
| Foreman, don't make this into a black/white thing. This is a POLITICIAN. They breathe methane. The brain damage may start AFTER I light the match. | |
| But...eh...ahem... |
| Catheter got your tongue, Foreman? | |
 | House, let's have dinner at your place. |
| I'm not your dead husband, Cameron, and I don't believe in pity sex! | |
 | Dammit, House! Are you trying to get this hospital shut down? |
| There are exceptions to the Pity Sex clause, of course. | |
| Meanwhile, we do have a patient. |
| But we haven't done the standard chalkboard-analysis-with-heavy-helpings-of-witty-interpersonal-humiliation yet. | |
| Goody! Do we get to break into the patient's house and strip-search the bedroom? |
| I've only had three Vicodin in the last hour...hmmm...I'm still hearing voices...One more should do it. | |
| The patient is going into spasms! |
| Spastic colon attack with lumbar support! Quick, get me a shoehorn! | |
 | Amazing! It actually is a politician! How can House always be right? |
| Yeeeeeaaaahhh! |  |
Hat Tip to WuzzaDem, the Master.
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Posted by witnit at January 4, 2006 2:22 PM
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