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June 30, 2005
Worn of the Worlds
RUISE. SPIELBERG. THE FINEST FILMMAKER OF OUR TIMES TACKLES H.G. WELLS' CLASSIC WAR OF THE WORLDS.
So why did I sit there during the end credits feeling... well, BORED?
SPOILERS
Only spoilers if you saw the original movied because THIS DAMN MOVIE IS PRACTICALLY THE SAME!
Oh sure, we have super spectacular CGI, but SO WHAT? BATMAN BEGINS was a great movie because they did something unique and powerful, giving Bruce Wayne depth and character and playing it for real. That's not been done before.
Couldn't Spielberg bring some kind of new friggin' TWIST to the story? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, bacteria kills them. We already SAW THAT! It works the first time, when humankind is faced with a threat that WILL exterminate them. That's a good twist--ONCE!
But wouldn't it have been a good idea to maybe come up with some human ingenuity this time? If this movie is a hit, it's because too many people never saw the original.
I was expecting something decent because the Rotten Tomatoes website gave it 72%, and even the reviewers at Ain't It Cool News, especially Moriarty, thought it was great. Nice to know that they can be gawdawful WRONG! There's now no critic I can trust anymore.
So, these huge tripods are buried in the earth, apparently for thousands of years, waiting for these aliens to come along with their lightning elevators that impregnate the tripods to begin the takeover... so what's up with that? Why bury them and then wait for thousands of years with such advanced technology and NOT REALIZE THAT BACTERIAL ORGANISMS MIGHT JUST BE A FRIGGIN' ISSUE?
Oh, then there is Tom Cruise, who is playing an asshole (and not just with Matt Lauer... I admit he was kinda cute on Oprah... I give that relationship, oh, two years.) So in the movie his kids don't like him because he's a selfish bastard who doesn't even know how to sing a lulliby to his daughter, but then comes along his ex-wife (played by Miranda Otto, the babe from Lord of the Rings) who's all cute and smiley and gentle with this asshole, even cuddly smiling when he says she looks good pregnant with her second husband's baby, BUT SHE DIVORCED HIM FOR GAWDSAKE BECAUSE HE IS AN ASSHOLE AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A FATHER, SO WHAT GIVES WITH THE SWEET EX-WIFE BULLSHIT?
There's no real story arc. Cruise doesn't become a better father. He looks shell-shocked most of the time, because there's no real acting required. And then there's Tim Robbins playing a GUN NUT SURVIVALIST. Why is it that liberals think they're stretching their acting talents playing people they despise? Of course, the character has no purpose, goes nowhere, ends stupidly, offers nothing intelligent to the story.
Oh I get it. He was playing HIMSELF!
I like Spielberg movies. I really expected something smart, something ingenious. Instead, I was bored.
Go back and make INDIANA JONES IV, Steven. And then retire.
(yawn)
*** If Bush, as I believe, has reliable information on the fact that Saddam Hussein is making weapons of mass destruction, I cannot not support the policies of his government. Steven Spielberg (Yeah, I don't get it either. He got damaged somewhere along the line.)
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Posted by witnit at June 30, 2005 8:58 AM
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