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June 26, 2005
What a Woman Wants
ell, Mark left a very interesting post for the daring, delightful, and disarming Divas (plus one) before he headed to Singapore. In it, he addressed his thoughts on what boys and girls need to know regarding the intoxicating effects of sex. It is well worth a read.
After my second read of it, I began to think about how what I have wanted as a woman has changed over the years.
When I was a teenager, I wanted a boy to like me and want to take care of me. I wanted a boy to hold my hand, adorn me with his letter jacket and class ring, and let all the world know he thought I was pretty terrific. I wanted to belong to someone.
Well, I kind of got that wish.
I was eighteen before I had that first boyfriend. He was twenty-five. He was tall, dark, and handsome, as well as strong and pretty much silent. He was a trainer for the college football team. He had green eyes and dark hair.
In addition to his looks, I'm not sure what attracted me to him, other than the fact he liked me. It certainly was NOT the lack of intelligent conversation.
Never having really dated before then, I did not know what to expect from the relationship. I just took things as they came.
When we went out, it was usually with a group of his guy friends. Rarely were we accompanied by any other girls. I was expected to sit quietly and talk only to boyfriend, when he talked to me.
Boyfriend was very protective and controlling of me to the point he was critical of my appearance and wardrobe and insisted on walking me to the ladies' room when we were out and stood outside to walk me back to our table. Over time it became apparent, he was the jealous type and did not want any other men talking to me. On the rare occasion a guy from class walked up to me, it was an immediate fight. I mean fisticuffs between the men, then an argument with me because I must have done something wrong.
I, indeed, belonged to him.
I had allowed myself to become chattel.
It did not take long before I realized this situation was definitely not for me.
After it finally ended, it took me two years before I could trust myself and my own judgment to even want to get involved with anyone else, even longer to trust someone else.
While a hard experience, I am grateful I had it early on. It taught me what I did NOT want in a relationship.
Gone are those desires to have someone take care of me because I have learned over the years there is very little I cannot do for myself. I do not require another adult to support me, tell me what to do, or live my life for me.
What I want is to have someone I love and respect to love and respect me. I desire an equal to walk beside me in this life. I want someone to help share my burdens and let me know that no matter what issues or problems arise, he will be there for me. He may not be able to "make everything all right," but there are many things which just cannot be "fixed."
I think it is a stronger committment to have someone willing to endure those rough patches with me, than assume a dominant role and try to shield me from life. But, that's me.
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Posted by witnit at June 26, 2005 6:32 AM
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