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June 5, 2005

Coupling

Susan: "Sally, does it ever occur to you that age brings wisdom and greater confidence?"
Sally: "Susan, age brings you more to shave."

Jeff: "'Do you know what would be the best way to wipe out all of human kind if you were a space alien with a special kind of mind ray? Make all women telepathic. Because if they suddenly found out about the kind of stuff that goes on in our heads they would kill us all on the spot. Men are not people. We are disgustoids in human form."

Jane: "We just stood there looking at each other. There was so much electricity, you could have executed ten fat murderers!"

Sally: "Trust me, death is the best argument for moisturizer."

Jeff: "I need breasts with brains. I don’t mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding."

Steve: "I like naked women. I'm a bloke. I'm supposed to like them. We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view."

Jeff: "'I love the word naked, it's brilliant isn't it, 'naked'. When I was a kid I used to write the word naked on a bit of paper hundreds of times and rub my face in it."

Steve: "[I]t is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond, because that is what being a boy is."

Patrick: "If I don’t like a woman, if there’s no chemistry, if I’m not attracted to her, then I don’t lead her on, I just get out of there... every time, before she even wakes up."

Steve: "I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there, but that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die, because that's what being a bloke is. When man invented fire, he didn't say, "Hey, let's cook." He said, "Great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark." As soon as Caxton invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of, hey, naked bottoms! We have turned the Internet into an enormous international database of naked bottoms. So you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms."

Sally: "Having a bottom is living with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we're looking the other way."

Jeff: "You know what, there's something I've always wanted to say and, erm, now I feel that at long last I can. Breasts. Breasts, breasts, breasts, breasts, breasts!"

Patrick: "A relationship is a loving bond between two people, and a threesome can take the edge off that."

Sally: "A woman’s breasts are a journey. Her feet are the destination."

Jeff: "Fact is, some women don't have large breasts, and they're people too. Maybe they'd like the freedom to show us their bottoms instead of their breasts. Maybe they'd enjoy a more flexible arse-friendly beach that says: 'Hey, so long as you've got cleavage, who cares which way it's facing?'"

Steve: "Lap dancing's the ultimate nightmare of man - it's porn that can see you."

Susan: "[M]en - and I don't mean to generalize - are crap. They're the human race's only failed gender. Who needs them? And why are they so difficult to keep hold of? Do you think they realize, that were it not for the genetic imperative to populate the earth, they wouldn't get a date? That's one hell of an inducement: no pressure, girls, but shag one of these or it's curtains for all humankind! That's harassment. But do you know what? Do you know what's even more crap than men? We are more crap than men.... [T]hese magazines! A hundred pages of "men are useless bastards," and an article about why you should wake him up with a blow job. Am I alone in spotting the inconsistency here?"

Jeff: "Sex.... It's just like cuddling - only damper."

Sally: "Do you think there's such a thing as airborne calories? Maybe they just jump directly onto your hips."

Patrick: "I like films with lesbians in them because it’s nice to think there are attractive women out there who can’t find a boyfriend."

Jane: "I’ve always wanted to date a gynaecologist. I wanna know I’m special."

Sally: "I don't like a guy with flowers. It means he's done something he shouldn't. The bigger the bouquet, the younger she was."

Jeff: "Steve, sex with two whole women, think of the advantages...they can't both fall asleep. If one of them suddenly leaves or punches you, you've still got one left. If one of them plays that old sneaking out of the window trick, there's someone there to untie you. It's total genius."

Posted by witnit at June 5, 2005 11:52 AM

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