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May 22, 2005
Fear Merchants
re you a FEAR MERCHANT? Is your livelihood in some way derived from instilling fear into people to get them to give you money, sign on to your business, support your enterprise?
Frankly, I'm so sick of fear merchants that the moment my inner "Fear Bullshit" detector goes off, that person loses my trust unless they are honest about what they are doing.
There are all kinds of fear merchants trying to sell us their wares. Some are fairly obvious:
- Insurance Salespersons: "I know it's not a topic that would normally come up in conversation, Mrs. Smith, but have you given any thought to what you would do in case of dismemberment?" The reason why insurance companies are so rich, with such architecturally fabulous buildings, is because most of what you fear never happens.
- Television News: "A serial rapist gets parolled. Will he end up in your neighborhood? Tonight at eleven." Is there anything more sick than local and national television news? So transparently vicious, so ruthless in digging into things that hold no real news value, so willing to scare us with airy nothings. I remember a classic Bloom County Sunday comic that showed reporters with mikes and cameras running after someone barking like a pack of dogs. These are some of the most ruthlessly ambitious vampires on the planet.
- Fire-and Brimstone Ministers: "Ye miserable, crawlin' worms. Are ye here again then? Have ye come like Nimshi, son of Rehoboam, secretly out of your doomed houses, to hear what's comin' to ye? Have ye come, old and young, sick and well, matrons and virgins, if there be any virgins amongst you, which is not likely, the world being in the wicked state that it is. Have ye come to hear me tell you of the great, crimson, licking flames of hell fire? Aye! You've come, dozens of ye. Like rats to the granary, like field mice when it's harvest home. And what good will it do ye? You're all damned! Damned! Do you ever stop to think what that word means? No, you don't. It means endless, horrifying torment! It means your poor, sinful bodies stretched out on red-hot gridirons, in the nethermost, fiery pit of hell and those demons mocking ye while they waves cooling jellies in front of ye. You know what it's like when you burn your hand, taking a cake out of the oven, or lighting one of them godless cigarettes? And it stings with a fearful pain, aye? And you run to clap a bit of butter on it to take the pain away, aye? Well, I'll tell ye, there'll be no butter in hell!" Amos Starkadder of Cold Comfort Farm Enough said.
- Horror Movie Filmakers: "Phone Voice: Do you like scary movies? Sidney Prescott: What's the point they're all the same, some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can't act and is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door, it's insulting." (from Scream) At least psycho horror movies don't pretend to be something else go get your money.
However, there are lots of FEAR MERCHANTS that are not so obvious, or you have heard their voices for so long, you fail to recognize what they are selling:
- Environmentalists: "Nuclear Power is Evil! If a plant melts down it will affect millions! Global Warming is a reality and if you don't support our initiatives, the planet will die! Think of the children." You get the idea. As far as global warming is concerned, do you honestly think people who cannot correctly predict the goddamn weather three days from now know what's going to happen in three decades? Remember back in the late 1960s when they were scaring us with the coming Ice Age? Or the Population Bomb? Do you realize that many of the same people trying to scare you with these ideas are also the people requesting funds for more research? Don't you just love it? Is it any surprise that every time you hear about the results of some scientific study, the next thing you hear is "But more research needs to be done"?
And nuclear power? Geez, talk about one of the safest, cleanest means of producing power. If you doubt that, you have not been paying attention. Look at the health risks and deaths associated with coal, natural gas, heating oil and other power sources. It's no wonder that some people, including the more reasonable environmentalists, are starting to talk about nuclear power again. Drive through France and you will be shocked how many nuclear power plants you see over there.
- Politicians: "This is a struggle of good and evil. And we're the good." Howard Dean Yeah, maybe this should be on the OBVIOUS side, but if you listen carefully you will hear how relentless fear merchants operate in politics. It's to the point where now Howard Dean can say this and people applaud. There is no longer any real pretence to the smarmy scare tactics. Don't forget scaring the elderly with Social Security lies. And watch it whenever someone talks about "the children."
- Educationists: "Our schools are failing, the buildings are decrepit, and our children are going hungry. How can anyone be against education?" I can. I live in California. We passed the State Lottery with the promise of all that extra money would bail out the schools. Surprise! They lied. If you have a car mechanic who told you, "Yeah, I promised to fix your brakes but I failed, give me more money and I'll try again," would you? That's what we do with the educationists. They are getting more money than ever, and education is going down the tubes. Maybe after all these decades, people would finally figure out that money is not the issue! It's fairly simple. You only have so many minutes in a school day. We used to spend that time on reading, writing, and math. But when you add in special programs in social studies and multiculuralism and more field trips and additional teacher meetings, something has to give way. Such as reading, writing, and math. DUH!
- Anyone Wanting to Raise Your Taxes: "We need more of your money. 70% is not enough. Only we can take care of poor little you." If you doubt that local, state, and federal governments are not currently taking 70% of your income, figure it out. Take one check, see what they take out, and then when you spend that money take into account all the sales taxes, gas taxes, fees, licenses, permits, tolls, excise taxes, property taxes and that's just the direct taxes, don't forget about all the indirect taxes you have to pay for higher priced goods because of all the extra tax and regulation burdens on businesses that cause the price of doing business to rise. We are already in a socialist government, although it's still the best one going. (Yeah, I'm one of those who believe America is the light of the world and if America Haters get there way and this country goes down, the world would descend into another dark age within a single lifetime.)
I'm sure I'll think of more after I post this.
*** All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears--of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required. Dave Barry
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Posted by witnit at May 22, 2005 5:45 AM
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