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April 24, 2005
Ouch! What the...? MEME???
t was supposed to be a relaxing Sunday. Sleep in, pet my cat (Danger Kitty, although duct tape has taken care of that problem), see a matinee flick, scratch where I want to...
But no. No, no, no, no, no...Feisty Christina has tagged me (slammed me really) with some kind of godawful blog virus meme. As if I would ever do such a thing to her.
Oh well, here goes:
If I could be a chef, I would prepare the most heavenly French meals that inspire a spiritual state of rapture (and try to avoid the conundrum inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma of how the French could be such unmitigated assholes in everything else and yet still prepare the most other-worldly food I have ever eaten.)
If I could be a linguist, I would lay out a loaded shotgun, some sleeping pills, a noose, and play eenie, meenie, miney, mo.
If I could be a llama-rider, I would only ride Fernando's llamas.
If I could be a midget stripper, I would line up some of my favorite midgets, put on some Barry White, get some acetone and...
If I could be a proctologist, I would acquire a cage full of gerbils and schedule appointments with some of the biggest assholes on the planet: Bill Clinton, Kim Jong Il, Woody Harrelson, Michael Savage, Rosie O'Donnell, and many more.
*****
My turn to tag:
Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you).
Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three fine bloggers.
Here's that list:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...I
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...
If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge...
If I could be a Jedi...
I tag Witty Sex Kitten, because she is ruthless and funny, a devastating combination. Kitty answered!
I tag Pammy of Lollygaggin with boobies of Silk and Satin. (On vacation.)
I tag Dash at The Boiling Point. Because I should have a guy on the list. Dash answered!
*** You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Steve Martin
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Posted by witnit at April 24, 2005 8:48 AM
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