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April 11, 2005
If Metaphors Were Literal
top Now If You Have A Problem With Coarse Language. (You've Been Warned!)
So I'm cruising around, reading blogs like Gut Rumbles and it occurs to me how often I'm seeing coarse language, and because I have a mind that is a little off-kilter I begin wondering whether there is a universe somewhere where metaphors could actually manifest immediately. Being the kind of guy I am, believing in multiple realities (having experienced a few here and there, even without chemical assistance) I began to put together a mental list of such metaphors. Maybe you could too.
So imagine if these metaphorical statements became immediately literal just by saying it:
- Go fuck yourself!
- I feel like shit.
- You're killing me!
- I'd like to get this off my chest.
- I'm beat.
- I'm pooped.
- She's out of her mind.
- You shithead!
- Bitch!
- Go to hell.
- Motherfucker.
- Your computer is fucked.
- Your monitor is shot.
- You prick!
- Holy shit!
- Butthead.
- I'll love you forever.
- You have my heart.
- You've got your head up your ass.
- She sure has got balls.
- Look at those knockers!
- That blows my mind.
- She fucked the hell out of me.
- She's a member of the itty bitty titty committee.
- You maggot!
- Your ears could swat flies!
- Blow it out your ears.
- You have a shit-eating grin.
- Wipe that smile off your face.
- I slapped his face off.
- Dickhead.
- You piss me off!
*** We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glowworm. Winston Churchill
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Posted by witnit at April 11, 2005 4:31 PM
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